“What’s in the box?”

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It was the logical question for any mom to ask when her child goes away for the weekend and comes back with a large box—no matter how old that child might be.

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“What is something my brother and I have been wanting for the last 25 years?” was my response. And yes, the smirk was a big one.

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This was followed by my mom letting out a nervous laugh and asking, “What did you do?”

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Year by year, I find myself caring a little less about what other people think and becoming a little more true to who I am. And, yes, sometimes that means finally buying some of the geekier things I wanted growing up—Obi-Wan’s lightsaber, Princess Leia’s poncho that she wore on Endor, or, in this case, a sword and dagger from one of my favourite stories.

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There’s something freeing about reaching a point where you can simply say, “This is something I like. This is something that makes me happy.” You stop worrying so much about whether someone else thinks it’s silly, strange, or childish.

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But getting to that point isn’t always easy.

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When we’re younger and trying to figure out who we are and find our voice, it can be difficult to share that person with others. We’re often surrounded by messages—both subtle and obvious—that being different isn’t necessarily a good thing. So we learn to hide parts of ourselves. We learn to worry about how we’ll be perceived. Sometimes, we even learn to judge ourselves before anyone else has the chance.

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For me, saying that I care less and less about what others think doesn’t mean it was easy to get here. There are still moments when those voices get to me, and that’s okay.

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When that happens, I’ve found that sometimes the best thing I can do is turn everything off for a while. Step away from the noise. Heal in the silence. And, when I’m ready, seek out the people who don’t care about who I’m supposed to be. The people who simply love me as I am.

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Finding those people, though, can be its own challenge.

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I’ve had lots of friends, and my family has always been supportive. But having people around you doesn’t necessarily mean you never feel lonely. There have still been moments when I’ve felt alone, even when I wasn’t.

And I think that’s something worth talking about.

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September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and like many people, suicide has touched my life. I’ve lost people I’ve known, and I know many others who have struggled with the thought of ending their lives.

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The difficult truth is that there is no single, easy solution to make that pain disappear or to prevent every loss.

But there are things we can do.

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We can be true friends. We can give the people around us the space to be who they are without judgment. We can listen. We can remind them that they are loved and that they don’t have to pretend to be someone else to deserve that love.

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It won’t fix everything. Sometimes, all we can do is love someone and remind them that they don’t have to face everything alone.

 

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide and reaching out to a friend feels like too much, call Talk Suicide Canada at 1-833-456-4566 or text WELLNESS to 741741.

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And please know this: through it all, you are not a failure.

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For those we have lost, share their stories. Share the love they gave and the joy they brought into your life. Keep talking about them. Keep remembering them.

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They deserve to never be forgotten.